Idea of Acceptance
How can we find a healthier response? Let’s visit the idea of acceptance. Take a scenario where someone has done something really bad to hurt your whole family. Does accepting the situation mean doing nothing? In this regard, someone once asked me, “When does acceptance become irresponsible?”
Acceptance doesn’t mean being weak, cowardly or doing nothing. It only means that we are able to accept the reality of the present circumstances without reacting strongly in the moment, and then moving forward from there.
Somehow a newer consciousness will open up, and the right action will follow. Heartfulness supports this in a number of ways, such as 1. Taking refuge in the Guide or God immediately triggers a change in us, 2. The Cleaning method always helps us to let go of the strong emotional charge, and 3. External help in the form of Transmission can be a miraculous catalyst to manage anger, fear and stress.
What triggers anger?
Anger can arise from both outside and inside. Tragic circumstances and events, insults, criticism, and humiliation are examples of outside triggers, while expectations, desires, and wishes trigger from within. Anger can also surface from deep within us when our samskaras are being cleaned – we may not be aware of the source of the anger in this case, as it is has come from past, it's been stored in our subconscious mind long ago, forming a knot of trapped energy, and now it is being released.
Dealing with criticism
When we feel that we are being criticized unjustly or it is unsolicited, we usually get angry and defensive, or we feel hurt, that is our normal habit. What if we are able to pause and consider the criticism as an opportunity to learn something about ourselves? After all, we don’t have to agree with the other person’s words if the cap doesn’t fit.
First Heartfulness Guide, Lalaji, said that criticism is necessary if we want to attain sainthood. Forget about sainthood – criticism is necessary if we want to attain excellence in anything we do. For a person who has such an understanding, criticism will not appear negative; it will be a window of opportunity.
When expectations are not fulfilled, they often turn ugly and give birth to this fire of anger. The insistence on the fulfillment of expectations is even uglier. It acts like oil poured on fire; it will only intensify the fire. For example, consider the difference between a child saying, “Mommy ought to come to my school to pick me up,” and “No one but Mommy must come to my school! She must pick me up!” Doggedness on the fulfillment of expectations fuels anger with greater intensity.