When we get angry, we suffer. If you really understand that, you also will be able to understand that when the other person is angry, it means that they are suffering. When someone insults you or behaves violently towards you, you need to see that the person suffers from their own violence and anger. But we tend to forget. We think that we are the only ones who suffer, and the other person is our oppressor.
This is enough to make anger arise, and to strengthen our desire to punish. We want to punish the other person because we suffer. Then, we have anger in us; we have violence in us, just as they do. When we see that our suffering and anger are no different from their suffering and anger, we will behave more compassionately. So, understanding the other is understanding yourself, and understanding yourself is understanding the other person.
Everything must begin with you. If your house is on fire, the most urgent thing to do is to go back and try to put out the fire, not to run after the person you believe to be the arsonist. If you run after the person you suspect has burned your house, your house will burn down while you are chasing them. That is not wise.
You must go back and put out the fire. So, when you are angry, if you continue to interact with or argue with the other person, if you try to punish them, you are acting exactly like someone who runs.
DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author's own.