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Jul 22, 2020, 07:05 IST

True Love

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All of us are in the quest for true love without exception. Some know it, some don't. We come into this birth from an unlimited pool of unconditional love which we can never completely forget. And all our lives, we keep seeking and searching for it.

Someone asked me " Once you love someone, is that a permanent emotion? Or is it subject to change? Because I can feel a change in my feelings to those whom I loved "

True unconditional love doesn't change. But we probably have no idea what that is. We have all felt it after birth as a child, but as we have grown older, we are seeing less and less of it. But that taste lingers, forcing us to keep on looking for it.

True love is from the heart, from our spirits. All hearts and all spirits are totally lovable. But the problem is that as we grow all of us develop an ego. Our ego is a collection of thoughts, beliefs, conditionings,, attitudes, values, our identity, and also contains our fears, pride, sorrows, grief, greed, anger, and a whole lot more. It becomes our identity in this world. As the ego develops and becomes thicker and denser, the heart and spirit get buried deeper and deeper under the ego.

When a mother carries a child in her womb and delivers her, the child is a part of her, so there is no ego between mother and child, for they are part of the same identity. It is rare for our ego to discriminate and conflict with us. It can do so with ease with another ego, but rarely does with our own. The mother then loves the child unconditionally, for the child at that stage is her, and also the child is pure heart, pure spirit, and zero ego. There exists a seamless bond between the two. As the child grows up and develops her own ego and identity, separation occurs, and the original love which was a hundred percent starts getting diluted by the identification of the mother's ego with the child's.

When we talk of love, true love, it is a connection between the heart/spirit of one person and that of the other. If you are having love for someone, then that love is true love but it is filtered and perceived through the ego of both the persons. While we see a part of the other person's heart and spirit, our love remains. But we also see the other person's ego---his anger, his behavior, his habits, his fears, his insecurities, his greed, his defensiveness and victim hood etc. When we focus on his ego traits, love disappears, or gets buried deep inside us. If we are able to bypass the ego, ignore it or see through it, and are able to connect to that person's heart and spirit, then we will have love, irrespective of his ego driven behaviors. The same is true for the other person.

When we are able to reduce the thickness of our ego, we see the other clearly as a pure spirit, covered in ego. We can direct our focus on his spirit and can love him. But that love is more in the nature of compassion, where you can see what he is capable of, but is unable to do, because of his dense ego structure, which perceives you only as a ego, and not as a spirit. But since you can see through his ego, you will be able to have a good relationship with that person, will be able to forgive him for his ego driven behaviors, and will always have compassion for him.

As and when the other person also reduces the thickness of his ego, evolves, lets go and rises in vibrations, he too will be be able to ignore and see through your ego, will be able to see your pure heart and spirit, and that is when true love is born, that is when soul mates are born. That love is not compassion alone, that love is of a different dimension and it comes close to the true unconditional love which a mother has for its unborn or newborn child.

Every other relationship we have, is relationships between our respective egos, which are prone to get hurt, bleed, take offence, become victims, get angry, hate, seek revenge, and be fearful of the future. Such relationships are never based on true love, but are driven by fear, by greed, by convenience, by needs, by society's rules and traditions, and by a deep wanting for stability, safety and security. Such relationships change, as the ego driven behavior of the other person changes, or when our own ego upgrades itself. We see things differently and so does the other person. The heart and spirit are unchanging. But since the ego keeps changing and reacting all the time, and since our focus and attachment is to our ego and to the ego of the other person, our love also seems to increase or diminish, depending on how the ego driven behaviors affect. us. If someone gifted us a million dollars, we would obviously love him, but if he insulted us or gave that gift to someone else, we would hate him. This is ego to ego interaction and subject to change. But the same rules dont apply to our child. Irrespective of what our child does, we still love her, because we disregard the ego and go directly to the heart.

Love never changes or diminishes, but what we think is love, which is usually need, always undergoes a change. To find true love, we have to start with ourselves, and start seeing beyond ego driven behaviors into the hearts of people. But for that, our own heart needs to flower and open. And then we have to intend and wait, for another person with a open heart and a thinned out ego, to come into our lives.

It is very easy to love a child or an animal unconditionally, because we have to contend only with one ego---our own. And babies and animals rarely trigger our egos. But when another human being is concerned, we have to contend with multiple hurdles---our ego, their ego, society, family, desires, dreams, expectations, entitlement....the list is practically endless



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